Miserable At Best - 12/27/09

Sit back and enjoy ;)

Life is...rough. But you live it. You are strong enough to make it through another day. But its a struggle. You put on a happy face. But you're really sad. You smile for everyone. But you cry when you're alone. You keep moving forward. But you really just want to lay down and not get up. You keep up the guise. But you really just want everyone to know how you really feel. You keep your feelings to yourself. But you are silently begging with your eyes for someone to realize that you're a fraud in your own life, and that you need help. You put up a wall. But you really want someone to come break it down. You lock your heart up and throw away the key. But you really want a person who loves you enough to search for it. You are miserable at best. But you want to be happy again.

Picture This: A young teenage girl who has everything going for her. She has friends, she has sports, she has clubs, she has family. But her life is far from perfect. She doesn't let anyone in, but those few who know her well could tell you the truth. She hurts. Her family doesn't know who this girl is anymore. She is NOT the little girl who obediently cleaned her room and played with dolls. She does good in school, she has friends over, she has a boyfriend, shes active in school. But shes a fake. A fraud, an imposter. Shes a ghost in the house. An elephant in the room. Everyone knows somethings wrong, its terribly obvious, but everyone is too afraid of what could make her feel like this, and they say nothing.

Yet nothing is the worst thing they could say. She puts on her fake smile and she talks to them, and she thinks they don't know her enough or love her enough to see that its all fake. And she hates them for it. She starts to pull away. And then shes on the outside looking in and she misses everyone. So she becomes part of the family again, and she does well coping with her feelings, and she thinks shes better. But shes not.

Her mom cant be around as much as she wants. She cant go to her performances, cant go to sporting events, cant be the support she needs. And she tries to be perfect for her mom. She knows its impossible, but she hopes she can keep it up through her childhood, she doesn't want to ruin the time she has. But its not good enough. Her mom is stubborn and uses her illness as an excuse. But she puts up with it. She tries not to fight. But now her mom has been locked up in her own tower long enough, and now the little things are stressful. The little things ruin it for everyone. But shes sick, so shes excused. The girl doesn't see why she gets away with everything. There's an excuse for everyone. Her mom is sick, her sister is young, her dad is stressed with work. But her? Shes healthy, older, and doesnt work. She has no excuse. And shes tired of it.

She sits in her room and cries. Shes depressed but nobody cares enough. They tell her they'll get around to helping her, but its all empty promises and lies. And she starts to reveal her secrets, hoping that the truth will set her free, and she can get help so she doesn't have to live a lie. She explains that shes anorexic. She explains that she beats herself. Scratches herself raw. Punishes herself. Blames herself for everything. Puts too much pressure on herself.

And in the end, it sets her free, and she gets help...No, that would be a lie just like the rest of her life. They say shes in it for the attention. They say that shes a liar. They take everything away and keep her under close watch. They don't want her to spill her secrets to anyone else. Who wants a daughter who does something like that? Who wants a freak? Who wants to be connected to "That Kind of Person"? Nobody.

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Tomorrow will be a normal day! Designer clothes shall be the topic!
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Life Updates -

That LOVELY story up there? Yeah, that girl would be moi. I dont think anyone knows how hard it was to write that. Especially as if it was just a story. But I needed to let it out. Actually, Tor knows how that feels. And I have no clue how she does it. I spent about a good 5 minutes on the phone just crying. I spent a good 10 minutes on the phone just beating myself up. I will probably find a few bruises by morning, and some sore limbs. But better me than anyone else...right? Agh...I dunno :/

Reading Corner!

Yeeah, sorry guys but I haven't read any more of Fall On Your Knees. Not only am I having my own little breakdown, but I can't remember where I last was reading the book and where I placed it after words...I will not sleep until I find it tonight! And I will not blog tomorrow until I read some of it so I have something to talk about here. Sorry :/

In My World of Make Believe:

Our world is filled with polluted cities and factories. Houses of all shapes, sizes, and colors. It chaos and ugly, and NOT natural...But in my world of Make Believe they use the resources that have no use in nature anymore. Branches that fall off the trees. Animals that die of natural causes. They use things like berries and eggs and milk. They use compost piles and they are kind to the earth. They make their own things, so no use for factories. And by making your own things, you can trade, so you dont need money. So you don't have greedy people either. Everyone keeps up the land and the animals and themselves. Its a pretty place to live. The sun shines, but it rains. Its not perfect, but its beautiful and natural (:

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Tomorrow...I dunno...I'll think of it then!
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For the third section I'd like to point out my favorite band! Mayday Parade (:



Nice picture right? XD The chickens not part of the band, I promise!


THATS IT FOR TODAY!

-Yours Truly
Ry (:

P.S. - Comment with song names!
P.P.S. - Comment for fun xD
P.P.P.S. - Comment on the story, with ways you would help the girl.
P.P.P.P.S. - Invite other people to read this blog!
P.P.P.P.P.S. - If you are interested in hearing Mayday Parade songs heres a link to one of their songs, whose title is the inspiration for today's blog!

Miserable At Best