Picking Up The Pieces - 1/23/10

Nothing hurts more than feeling second-best. <--I feel this often :/

When you purposely say that you will not do the right thing and that you will screw up a relationship because the other person messed up, I lose respect for you in an instant. Sorry Dad, Im such a Daddy's Girl and I tell you everything and you have to be both parents for me and Jordan, but...Ive lost respect for you as you destroy the relationship you have with you kids because you want to prove your authority...


Alright, ranting day...hmm...mkay, story time -

Looking in the mirror the young girl sits at the edge of the bathroom counter, peers into the mirror, and examines the face that she puts on for the rest of the world.

Eyeliner and mascara to make her eyes look less red - Check. Powder to make the flush of her constant fever go away - Check. Concealer to hide the purple under her eyes - Check. Lip gloss to make her lips look natural and not ghostly pale and blue - Check. Fake smile to hide the emotions - Check. Eyes that hide the truth - Check.

She's ready to start her day as someone she doesn't even know. A stranger.

And she's slowly building up her confidence inside to take that one day every month or so that she takes off the makeup and discards the fancy clothes for sweats and a t-shirt. The day that the world finally sees how bad she truly is.

Shes cold inside and feverish outside. Shes sick, but she doesn't want pity. She needs help but she doesn't want to end up like her mom. Shes angry but she doesn't want to have someone else listen to her problems. Shes sad but she doesn't want to waste her tears. Shes depressed but she doesn't want to take the pills. Shes tired but she doesn't want to waste the day in dreams. Shes different but she doesn't want to take the chance of someone criticizing her. Shes smart but she doesn't want to face the expectations. Shes a completely different person than the one everyone sees but she doesn't want the world to know how she is. They would never except it.

She picks up a book about suicide and sending out tapes to the people who ultimately tied together to screw her life up. And she thinks its brilliant and she starts to list the names and make the connections. And then she sees what shes doing and she cries, crumples the paper, and throws it off into an unseen corner and just sobs. Shes broken but wheres the glue that will put her back together again?

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I dunno where that glue is, but find it soon please ):
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Life Updates -

I am sooo sore, sooo tired, and sooo completely drained. And sick, don't forget sick.

Im Sore Because: I went to a skating party fundraiser for my sisters school, well shes a 4th grader so all these 9 year olds kept purposely tripping me 'cause I was her sister, and I am bruised ALL OVER!

Im Tired Because: My medicine hates me =P Stupid side effects. I always have exaggerated side effects so "fatigue" is equal to "you could sleep and if it was up to you, you would never wake up again, you're so tired." <---Probably exaggerated a little xD

Im Sick Because: Another lovely side effect of my meds is Nasal Congestion. So I sound stuffed up. But I still have my cough. A month and a half later. Not as constant, but when I do cough its like an episode and lasts forever and REEEAAALLLY hurts!

More Of My Medicines Side Effects That I Might Develop: Nausea, Insomnia (difficulty sleeping), Fatigue and drowsiness, Increased sweating, Back pain, Urinary tract infection, Vomiting, and Nasal congestion. <---FML. >:(


***Im not gonna do a Reading Corner today, because 13 Reasons Why is a major thing for me to talk about, and Im going to devote an entire blog post to it sometime soon, and since Im not reading any other books, the Reading Corner shall be empty for a bit. Sorry!

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This 3rd section will be a bunch of pictures (and not the pretty photography):























THATS ALL FOR THE DAY!

-Yours Truly,
Ry (:


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