No offense, but any kind of self-injurer is an idiot. Yes, I just called myself an idiot, but its true, you aren't going to get anywhere with this -
So a friend of mine has decided that instead of avoiding the problem of being suicidal and depression, she is going to face this problem head on...by cutting. All I can say is, "Who do you think you're helping by cutting yourself?" Like I wasn't worried enough about you in the first place, now you are going to go and cut yourself. How lovely. I'll begin the countdown to your death, because if you're stupid enough to start an addiction and say you are no magically no longer suicidal and just needed to do this, you're going to die. Because you don't need to do this...AGH! I just hate this...hate it, hate it, HATE IT. This is what she posted (ALONG WITH A FREAKIN' PICTURE OF HER CUT ON HER LEG!)
"I did it. Just on my leg, nothing really. I just needed to do it - prove it to others and prove it to myself. I am capable of it. I'm not suicidal. That's why I just did it on my leg. But I was sick of being scared and weak. I took on my enemy and tackled him down. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't have to live my life focused solely on that. I can live my life now. I can."
Waaaait a minute, did you just say "nothing really"? Oh yes, that cut I made on my leg? Yeah, thats nothing really. What the heck? It is something though! I don't know what makes you think its nothing really. Thats just like me saying, oh that leg encased in bruises? Thats nothing really.
Did you not realize that you just gave yourself a constant reminder of the pain you've been going through? "I dont have to live my life focused solely on that." Actually, from what I know, your life wasn't focused solely on that to begin with. But now you just made sure that you have a reminder to focus you back on the pain.
Im disgusted at how twisted it was of her (or you, because I know you're going to read this...) to post a picture of that cut...I was completely disgusted and went to throw up as soon as I saw that. Twisted.
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Btw, as I searced "self-harm" in Google Images in order to come up with the pictures for this, I was completely disgusted. My bruising was absolutely no better than this, but now that I see this stuff...ick.
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Sunday, January 24, 2010
Cutting - 1/24/10
Posted by R y ! (: at 1:06 PM
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2 comments:
Ry -
you don't understand why I did it.
Did you read the quote, too? I had to quit running from it. It was eating me up, always wanting to do it. I couldn't do the freaking dishes without looking at the knives thinking "All it would take it just one..slip..an 'accident'.." Seriously!
I was never going to get better, never going to quit being suicidal, if I always had that nagging at me. Now I did it, and now I quit having that bug me and I can get better. I'm not saying I'm magically cured. But I faced my fear and defeated it. Even if it doesn't make sense and it sounds horrible, I had to do it.
There's this show we watched in Psychology about these ppl w/ OCD. In order for them to get help, they had to face their fear, which increased their anxiety and could have made things worse. But they faced their fear, & even tho they had to face some negativity doing so, they got better. That's how I was. I don't have to live in fear.
As for posting the pic, I didn't say in the blog, but on Chatzy I think I did, but I just posted it to show it wasn't that bad of a cut for everyone to be freaking out.
I didn't mean to sound nonchalant about it. But I don't want everyone worrying when I'm HONESTLY okay. Trust me, if I wasn't, I would say so. I'm not the type to deny that something's wrong with me. If I wasn't, I would have gone off on a rampage about how shitty I feel or something. Not how I feel better.
I wasn't avoiding being suicidal or depressed. I was taking it head on. I was facing it. If I was avoiding it, I would have put the razor down, started crying, and fall into a deeper depression. But I didn't.
I'm NOT suicidal. Seriously. I made sure to not do it where I would cause any real damage because killing myself WASN'T my intention.
I don't see a constant reminder of the pain. I see the fact that I was brave enough to stand up to the pain and face my fears. I see improvement and accomplishment. It's just not in the most normal or natural way. But I'm not normal or natural. Sometimes we have to do some pretty crazy stuff that people don't understand, but we still gotta do it nonetheless.
Again, I wasn't being twisted or disgusting by posting the picture. I wanted to show that it wasn't that big or bad of a cut. It stung and bled a little but even now, it doesn't hurt anymore. It'll be healed in a week tops. And then gone forever.
I know you don't understand. I guess I shouldn't expect you to. It was just something I had to do to overcome it. It's not something I'm going to continue doing or anything.
Why would I flip out so bad about Selina doing it, only to turn around and do it myself for the same reason? I didn't. She's doing it to escape the pain of being suicidal. I did it because I wanted to face it and get it over with. I don't really know how to explain why I did it, and all you see is that I harmed myself. You're not looking past that to what REALLY was going on. But it's okay. I'M okay.
::Hides face::
Ryanne, I have never agreed to your opinion as strongly as I have agreed to this one. Cutting -- suicide in itself is absolutely disgusting! Revolting! I hate it - HATE IT - that Toria is doing such a mindless, stupid, idiotic and unnecessary thing to herself.
"But I faced my fear and defeated it. Even if it doesn't make sense and it sounds horrible, I had to do it. " No. This is sickening! You didn't HAVE to do it, damn it, Toria! Cutting isn't a choice! It's a method of last resort when you REALLY have to give your life up because it's just not yours to live! You don't HAVE to do ANYTHING - God gave us this itsy bitsy little thing we like to call "free will". Cutting is NOT THE ANSWER. It is the question, and the answer is "no".
I've met a lot of dimwitted people in my life, but never have I met somneone as STUPID as Toria. You think you're facing your fears, by CUTTING? There are better ways to conquer fear. You overcome the obstacls by tackling them head on, not by cutting yourself and looking for fucking sympathy or whatever else.
"But I don't want everyone worrying when I'm HONESTLY okay" Honestly okay? You think forcefully taking out the blood from your body by chopping your own flesh in pieces is called being OKAY? IT'S INSANITY, TORIA!! You ENJOY cutting yourself?? If it's making you feel better, then you must surely enjoy cutting yourself. Because if you do its.....it's revolting.
"I was taking it head on." No you weren't. You were making your depression worse because on top of the pain you already have, there is now officially physical pain to make life much much better. Taking it head on means to confront the problem by talking to those who upset you and being different - tackling the problems with a wish to make all those who said anythign bad to you take back their words.
Toria, if you were able to hear how upset all of us are, you'd do something about your habit. Cutting is not the answer. It is never the answer. I'd understand it is you were raped brutally, abandoned on the streets and beaten up daily and forced to be a prostitute. But the fact is you're NOT.
No one will understand, according to you Toria. No one. But they say ignorance is bliss, and I totally hope that's true because you don't know ANYTHING about what you're doing to Ryanne and me.
And that photo really was disgusting.
Ash xx
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