Dear Me - 1/26/10

): <---All of my emotion summed up into one emoticon.

Dear Me,

You might not understand things now, but Im sure you will later. Or actually, Im hoping you will later. Im not sure how the future works, but Im gonna do all I can to change the bad things that are 99.9% gonna happen. Im going to take that .1% and turn things around. Thats all I really need. Give me .1% of a chance and you've given me hope. I don't know what's been going on in that head of yours. When you looked in the mirror today you look so sad. I dont know what happened to you, but it did. Seemingly overnight. Things are spiraling downward for you and Im not sure how you're going to pick yourself back up. But Im sure you will. You'll find a way. You're "driven" as they say. And being down isn't good enough for you. Just like your grades arent good enough for you. Just like life isnt good enough for you. Just like everything isn't good enough for you.

Today I saw a different person in you. You were so down that you couldnt even hide it anymore. Everything was breaking down the walls that you put up. *BANG BANG BANG* And the walls fall down. You cant hide things anymore and you know it. And you know where this all started from? Your inability to handle yourself and your emotions. Look at what you did to yourself. Look at it. Don't act like you can't see it. Right there, there on your wrist. Those scratches. I know you see them. Just like your emotions, you cant hide them anymore. What a hypocrite. You get mad at others for cutting and then you go and scratch your skin raw. I understand youre frustrated, but who do you think you are to go and tell off other people and do something similar to yourself, in the same day no less! I dont care if you dont realize what youre doing until after its done. I dont care anymore. Just like you dont care.

You gave up caring the other day. I saw it when you looked in the mirror the other day. I looked in your eyes and I saw the emptiness and the fire of passion for living reduced to ashes. You tried though. Ill give you that. You tried. Not hard enough, but you tried. Look at all those pretty drawings you made. Look at all the poetry you write. Look at all the people you have that care for you. Why dont you look at the resources you have and use them? You waste the wonderful gift of having someone who cares. There are people out there who would love that gift. And you just look at it as pity and you dont take the chance. And here we all were thinking you were smart and good.

I know this is hard for you to read. Heck, its hard to write. But its the truth, and you need to realize and accept the truth so you can accept the help. The help isnt going to get through to you if the understanding of what you've done hasn't gotten through to you. Im writing this so you can accept and move on. This is your chance to have proof of what you did. And now you can look back on this and say, "This is what I did wrong." and then you can point to your achievements and say, "This is what I did to change the wrong. This is what I did right." This is for you, self. Take the chance and do something with it. Dont waste this opportunity like you did every other.


-Yours Truly
The Voice Inside Of You

--------------------------------------------

Sadly In My Corner

Sadly in my corner,
I sit and write the name
Of every single person
Who thought this was a game.

Sadly in my corner,
With my mouth curled in a frown
I think of all the people
That really put me down.

Sadly in my corner,
Vulnerable and weak
I think of all the times
I decided not to speak.

Sadly in my corner,
I say a little prayer
For the voice of reason
To come and find me there.

Sadly in my corner
I write the last goodbye
I rest my head into my hands,
And simply start to cry.

Sadly in my corner
I begin to see the light
I see the pills are kicking in,
And I begin to fight.

Sadly in my corner
I finally realize my wrong
As I find my way to heaven
And sadly sing a song.

Sadly in my corner
As I greet Heavens gate
I think about how life once was
And how what I had was great.

-------------------------------------

Thats all for today :|

-Yours Truly,
Ry (:

P.S. - Comment, Review, Suggest, Reply, HELP.
P.P.S. - Suggest others to this blog.