You Are My Forever Friend - 5/22/10

You'll never know how much you meant
You'll never know how much you still do,
You'll never understand the way I think
And the way I feel for you.
But if by chance realization dawns
And it finally all gets through,
I'll hope that you will feel the same
And I'll forever be with you.

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Thats it, its over. My freshman year has said its bittersweet goodbyes to me. Whilst my friends are still fretting over their finals that they could have avoided by some odd point percentages, I've managed to pull my grades above the finals line and I'm done. I'll see you in August Whiteland, 'cause Im out ;)

But still, I'll miss school. It was my one constant connection to friends and all the things I love so dearly. Call me what you wish, nerd, lame-o, whatever, but you know you'll miss it too. The constant beat of the shoes in the school hallways, the random gossip you pick up, the fashion do's (and dont's!), the slamming of the locker doors, the minute warning to get to class. You'll miss it and so will I. Ahh well, sunshine and summertime, here I come (:

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On another bitter sweet note, sooo much has happened this past month. Im gonna hafta update yahh on it. All of it.


I'm Taking A Break From Relationships: For those of you who know me well enough, that was the equivalent of me saying that Im going to the convents to become a nun. If you don't know me well enough...you'll still probably understand as much. But I'm seriously just...over the relationships. They're great if you can find the right person. Absolutely wonderful. Through all the fighting and bad times, when you can come out of that with the one person you love, you've got it good. But Im 2 months away from 15 and Im sure I wont find that person right now. So Im starting to feel as if I should stop even trying for a little bit and make sure that my heart and emotions can take a heart break when I fall for someone that wont catch me in the end. Or that my heart and emotions can take it when I have to admit that I fell out of love with someone who's still pining away at me with all they've got. I dont wanna have to take that pain, or give that pain right now. Ive got so much going on right now. Its just...the additional heavyweight on my shoulders that I dont want. Maybe when school starts again. Just maybe...

I'm Making An Effort Towards My Happiness: If you truly know me, and I mean, really truly absolutely know me, you'll know about my past. You'll probably know more than I ever wanted to tell you. But you made me feel comfortable enough with you that I could tell you. Either you knew what I went through or you are just that kind of person that makes me wanna trust you with the world. Or maybe you're both, but whatever you are to me, you know. And you'll know that the events of my life hit me hard, and I didn't handle it as well as I should have. Well its been 2 months. And you dont know how much effort that took on my part. It took everything I had. Ive started putting so much into my future and my school and my life that I dont want to do that anymore. Well thats a lie. When times gets hard, I do want to do it again. But now I cope. Yeah, thats right. I cope. The one thing Ive been trying to do for the longest time, Ive finally accomplished. Ive never been prouder of myself. And you know what, its because of all of the things I was smart enough to let go of, and all of the things I was lucky enough to become part of. I let go of Corey and I wound up finding Greg and Ashley. I was forced to give up choir today due to scheduling conflicts, but I gained Newspaper. I'll be a proud member of Whiteland's Smoke Signals newspaper staff come next August. I'll be going to Ball State this summer for workshops, and I'll start at an upperclassmen position as a sophomore. Ive got the world rooting for me and God and my friends and family by my side. Life. Is. Good.

I Found New "Forever Friends": Forever friends, has been defined by this quote:

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.

I've found two forever friends this year. Just in these past few months actually. Its amazing how little it takes to realize that someone is meant to be a great friend. Maybe thats just it. Maybe when its that instant connection and the instant bond that connects you finds two people, you just know. From this quote, this sounds like youre lucky just to find one person like this in a lifetime. Well by the looks of things, Ive found two in just a matter of months. How lucky I am.

Ashley: Darling, we've met under the most unusual of circumstances. If we had turned back the clocks to 6 months ago and someone had asked me if I'd ever think I'd find as good as a friend as you are, and if I'd ever think that we'd meet the way we did, I'd have to ask them if they'd like to be sent to a mental institution, 'cause that's just crazy. But here we are, sisters bonded by similarities that are scary to even think about. Our past and our present and our personalities, they are so alike. Its like God duplicated the same person and put them into two different bodies. I guess we're just such great people there had to be two of us out there! Now every single thing in our life might not match up, but I have to say they're pretty darn close. You know so much about me. You're one of those forever friends. Things should have gotten awkward between us waaaay back to when we met, but it didnt. Im not sure what kind of magic it took, but I think we were just meant to be 'sisters' like this, no matter the situation. Im so glad I met you. Im so glad that through everything that this life has thrown at you, youve been strong enough to make it up to this day. I dont wanna have to be without yahh, so even though you're gonna be graduating soon, we've gotta stick together, alright? Good (: I love you sissy! <3

Greg: Hunn, where do I begin with you? Lemme say this much: you are a complete dork, but I love you regardless ;) Now you told me about the 3 different kinds of love and Im glad you did. I can tell you I love you and you'll understand that its the best friends sorta love, and you'll never miss out on the chance to hear the words "I love you" because someone didn't understand that it didnt always have to be a lust kind of thing. We started out as meeting at the lunch table when I went to sit with Bradi. And then we were friends, but we still didnt talk outside of the lunch room. And then all of a sudden I showed up to do Bye Bye Birdie tech crew, and there you were. Haha, I can still remember the surprise at finding you there. Im glad you were there though, 'cause that really started our forever friendship. Right there at that point, I knew we'd be great friends. Tech crew was the best experience ever. Even though you definitely ditched us for Franklin's prom on opening night (you'll never live it down!) you picked up the slack the rest of the time. You definitely helped me stay calm when all I wanted to do was freak out under the stress. And after that was over, we started talking outside of school and between classes and we definitely became best friends. I dont care if you're a going to Ivy Tech, we're staying in touch, mkay? Glad we got that covered. I love you best friend! <3

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Yahh know what, I think Im just going to stop there for today. Ive got something that I wanna write, but it needs to go on a separate blog post, and I dont think that writing it at 2 in the morning will wind up being any good. I dunno how much justice I can give something like that. And there are some negative things, but those too need to go on a separate post.

So thats all for now (:

Much Love,
Ryanne <3