Thursday, May 27, 2010

No Regrets - 5/27/10

"Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets."

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Lost

You lay down
Saddened,
Another day of heartbreak
Another day of misery.
There you go,
Passing the time inside your thoughts.
You're lost there aren't you?
Will you ever come back?
I doubt it.
You haven't yet.
You step to the outer bounds of your mind,
And like a scared child,
You curl back into the warmth of safety,
The repetition,
The schedule,
The knowledge that you're well enough off now.
You take no chances,
And make no mistakes.
Yet,
This is a mistake.
And you swear on "No Regrets"
And yet you regret this.
You regret your choice
Not taking any chances.
Does life hold any value for you anymore?
No,
I doubt it does.
I'll save you the energy,
The trouble of forming the words
That I'll so obviously hear from you.
The same lies you've been feeding me
For 15 years.
Where's your originality?
Is it lost like you are?
I cant find it.
I cant find you either.
Im searching,
Trying so hard.
My efforts are wasted though.
Ill never find you.
Not sure I'd really want to,
Ive never known the real you,
The real person person behind the mask,
Not the impersonator you put out to fool me.
Ill never know the truth,
And sadly,
Neither will you.

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Ive always lived by "No Regrets". This poem is the inner me talking to the fake me that I put out there for so many people. I am the inner me sometimes. I just break down the walls and let myself go. But the walls rebuild themselves faster than I can rebuild my life, and Im stuck, never making any gains in life. I dunno where Im trying to go with myself. If you asked me where I see myself in five years, Id tell you something about being in college with a major in criminology or mass communications in the works. To be honest, I dont know. And I know Im young, but its not just college. Its everything. My whole life I have ahead of me...Its just a blur. A hazy fog that I cant break through. But maybe, if I hope and pray and wish enough, Ill find where Im going. Ill truly live by No Regrets. Ill completely accept who I am, I wont accept less that I deserve, and Ill take chances. But until then, Im stuck living "(Almost) No Regrets".

-Yours Truly,
Ryanne (:

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