For All The Ones Who Never Knew - 5/23/10

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Tor, this blog is all for you (: You deserve it!

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Dear Tor,

I know the words my fingers are forming across this screen will never add up to the words you deserve to hear. I just know it. But I also know that I really need to try to make sure that you understand how much you mean to me and that all the little things you've done for me have changed my life for the better. I dunno if you can remember just how bad I used to be. I try not to remember it, but its so clearly burned into my memory that I'll always be able to recall those times. I was so lost. I was afraid. Of the world, of trust, of new people...of myself. And then I magically met you. Chatzy definitely helped us keep in touch, and then Yahoo and Myyearbook when that wasn't available to us. I truthfully think that you and Ash were the only people on there that I was truly a great friend with. We had our fights and we had our problems along the way, but we always worked things out and apologized for our words. And Im glad we did, 'cause thats not how I wanna have to stop talking to you. Id rather die than the last words I say to you be bitter. I just wouldn't be able to handle that. Especially after everything you've helped me through. You knew about my scratching, my thoughts, my problems, my situation, my past. You knew it all. And I still try to keep you updated. But then you told me about your problems too. And I found out a lot about you. And it was nice to know that I was trusted enough by you for you to lemme know that stuff. I still remember going to whatever lengths it was to communicate with you, especially when you would leave Chatzy 'cause of what everyone else was saying. You had every right to say the things you did and when you left, I would get on Yahoo or whatever to try and find you and calm you down. I hope I helped.

You know what, the point of this wasn't to recap our history, though thats important too. This was supposed to be more of a thank you. So here it goes.

Thank you Tor. You mean everything to me, and I swear the words I say are true. You are the reason I stopped scratching. I didnt want to disappoint you. I look up to you like you wouldn't image. You're just one of those people to me. You're a forever friend too (: Everything you've done for me was everything that saved me. I thought I wasn't gonna get through March or the months that came previous to it. But because of you and select others, I made it. I didn't kill myself. I stopped scratching. I stopped thinking about hurting myself. I learned to cope. It was always for you Tor. The day you came into my life was the day that I was saved from myself. Thank you. I cant say anymore than that. Thank you.

I love you Tor, and I always will. You're one of the best and I hope the best for you and Jay and your future. You're futures so bright, you gotta wear shades B) Teehee, good luck in college!

-Love Always,
Ryanne (: