Enchanted - 11/21/10

'The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you'

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Oh the fantasticness of Taylor Swift (: Country music is a blessing in disguise for me. Gets me through the tough times, which I am definitely going through at the moment |:


I feel so caught in between lately. Stuck between who I am and who I want to be. Im lost on the road of broken dreams and make believe. Ive been living in the moment so much lately, Im no longer able to legitimately picture a future for myself. And its scary, but its lovely at the same time because I almost feel free in a way. Im no longer making false perceptions of who I am and trying to become someone I picture myself as in 20 years. Im letting myself go and its suddenly become the cause of so much pain. Im torn...but I guess enough of this and time to catch up on 5 months of no posting! Haha :D


Ive Managed To Find Someone New -

|Jordan Michael Brown| ♥ 8.20.10 ♥

So Corey broke up with me in March, I let myself take 5 months off of boys to recooperate, and Ive found myself with Jordan. This kid has been there for me since day one. We've been friends for around 6 years; living in the same neighborhood does that to people it seems. And through 8th grade to 9th, he was on and off with a girl named Kayla who absolutely despises me. I dislike her; she controlled Jordan so he couldnt talk to any of his friends, including me at the time, she acted like she owned Jordan, controlling everything he did, and she also liked to talk bad about all his friends that were girls. Cool cool, Imma big girl, I can handle it. But I also told him that he should drop her. And eventually he did. And now he's with me; which even before Corey and kinda during, I wanted to happen. He's definitely not a favorite amongst my friends. After Kayla he kinda got rude to everyone. But he's good to me most times, so Im thankful. All couples have their bad times, but not all of them put as much effort into it like we do. Its pretty nice having someone to count on whenever I need them like that. Definitely a step up from Corey :D

Speaking Of Corey -

He's definitely in my French class. A period where I deal with him almost an hour everyday. And at the beginning it was all about ignoring him as much as possible. Now though, its actually turned into a nice friendship. It almost feels like we're going back to the best friends stuff that we used to have. And thats all Ive ever wanted. I think both of us have put our relationship behind us; pretending like it never happened. And on days I really think about it like that, I guess it hurts a little 'cause 8 months of our lives were wasted on each other. But its better this way. He has a new girlfriend now; not sure that'll really work out, but Ill hope for the best for him. I have Jordan, so its definitely safe to be friends. Theres absolutely no feelings left there, and if ever should he ask me to go back to him, theres no doubt in my mind that I would say no. For around 2 months after he broke my heart I tried to get him back. But now I see that our relationship wasn't a healthy one, and things are better off left as is. I just dunno why it took me so long for me to think about things this way. Being friends is a positive though; he hurt me, angered me, I moved on, and friendship is closure and the final step. And its all I can really ask for anymore. One more chapter in history that I'll never reread again; I promise this to all who worried for me through that phase in my life.

Im Moving On Up -

Im on my school newspaper staff, and I am the only sophomore who has a position of leadership as Opinion Page Editor. This is definitely a big confidence boost. I spent 5 days at Ball State this summer, and it was THE BEST time of my life, hands down. I wish I could go back to that week all the time. And while its never going to happen again, I can only take from that and build upon it. Aaaand, over the course of this 14 weeks, my adviser has made it blatantly clear that I will be editor-in-chief next year. And this excites me and it scares me. I want to go into reporting/journalism as my career field, going to college at Ball State to major in News and Magazine journalism is my current goal. So this is how it excites me; 'cause Im one step closer to my dream. But it scares me 'cause next year I will be the sole editor-in-chief. As a page editor Im already stressing alot, and we have TWO editor-in-chiefs. Which is what scares me. This is going to consume my life next year. And as bad as things are in Newspaper with two editors, Im going to be on my own dealing with this. I wish I could blame the editors for this chaos, but I really truly can't. All I can do is pray that once I take over, I can handle control of 15 or so other reporters/page editors/photographers. Only time will tell!

Speaking Of Next Year -

I scheduled my Junior year of high school and boy will it be chaotic! My schedule is as follows;

AP US History - 2 semesters
AP English Literature - 2 semesters
AP Biology - 2 semesters
Pre-Calculus Honors - 2 semesters
French 2 - 2 semesters
Newspaper - 2 semesters
Photography - 1 semester
Psychology - 1 semester

Three AP classes, Editor of the school newspaper, Honors math, Foreign language, && two freebie classes. Im gonna die, enough said =P

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I think this is enough for a catch up post; or at least I hope it is.

Yours Truly,
Ry (:

Back To The Basics - 6/10/10

Bikinis,
Towels,
Soaking in the sun,
Oceans,
Beaches,
Just having fun,
Meeting cute boys,
Out after dark,
Swimming at the pool
&&
Hanging out at the park.
Summer 2010,
Let it begin.

Sunshine && Summertime <--Here I come ♥ ;
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Everything in that poem is definitely how I've decided to spend my summer. Im so tired of summer just being like a very extended weekend during the school year. Its like Im always waiting for the last day of school to come around, yet once I get to that final point in the school year, Im just counting down the days until I go back. Its so frustrating, but I truly can't help but want to go back to school. Its just instinct for me. My summers are always uber boring and jam packed with nothingness. I've decided its time for a change. A big one. I've kinda made a bucket list, but instead of before I die, its for before school is back in session.


- Go swimming every weekend!
- Make a summer playlist!
- Stay single ;)
- Get a guys number!
- Do something with friends at least once a week!
- Get a major tan!
- Work out every day!
- Start going on a walk or jog every day!
- Dance in the rain every time it storms!
- Sleep under the stars!
- Go camping!
- Get my hair naturally lighter from being outside!
- Spend more time with my family (:
- Grow out my nails!
- Make a new friend!
- Go on a long bike ride once a week!
- Add more days to my count-up for NOT hurting myself!
- Make drawing and painting a regular daily thing!
- Enjoy Ball State (:
- Get a new wardrobe and reorganize my room!


My summer bucket list of 20 things that I haven't done in summers past that I really want to do this summer. This really truly makes me happy to think that I might get all these things accomplished! They really aren't far out, and with the help of my friends and family, I really think that Summer '10 is gonna be a great vacation that I'll never forget (:

This summer is also gonna be spent at fairs and daydreaming from what I can tell. The fairs will be awesome, always are. The one thing aside from my birthday that I always look forward to in the summer. There's always one going on somewhere in Indiana. The daydreaming's fun. It'd be more exciting if it all actually came true. But I keep my standards low and my hopes lower. I've learned enough in life to know that if I keep this mindset, I'll come out with less hurt that if I got my hopes up. This way, Im expecting the worse, and when it happens, I'm prepared for it. If the best outcome occurs, then I'm pleasantly surprised and my mood will considerably brighten. Its all good. People think its a bad thing, but when you really truly think about it, it might now be the happiest and most pleasant way to think, but its the most logical. Its the path to lesser pain.

Im just spending my days thinking about when I can get out of here. My future. Once I turn 18 and Im out of the house, Im gonna get my ears pierced 2 more times each. Im gonna get a tattoo. Im gonna put purple streaks in my hair. I'll have a job and my own money. I'll go to college. Move on to my career path. I'll have my own car. The ability to go out and hang with friends. I'll have a cell phone that I can actually use to text and call people other than my parents. I'll move on to my career and I'll get married and I'll have kids and I'll move out to the country and I'll be the best parent and have all those weird pets I always wished I could have. I'll have the life that I've always wished for. I'll give myself everything I wanted that I never got. Or I'll try to find it from someone else. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll make up for the years I put into my family.


S U M M E R 2 0 1 0 ♥


-Yours Truly,
Ry (:

Its Time For My Last Goodbye - 6/2/10

After all the things you put me through,
Tell me why I'm still in love with you.
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart,
I'm taking it back from you.
And taking back the life I gave to you
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do.

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Wishes by Superchick - Inspiration for this blog post. Thank God I found this song, it made me realize its time for my last goodbye. To anything and everything and anyone and everyone that tore me down. You made me a stronger person, but your memories are forever haunting my mind, and its time for it to end. I can't keep living like this. Its over. Its the past. I'm moving on.

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To The Scars That Grace My Body: Im so over this. Every single time I have to look down its all just painful memories. There's nothing happy about the things connected with you. One on my ankle, one on my knee, four on my hands, nine on my wrists, && seven on my lower stomach. Im definitely getting the constant reminders of my struggles I have had since I was 12. The beatings I gave myself, they disappeared. The memories are almost never there. But this is different. These are just faded. They aren't gone. Its just a faded scar and a vivid memory to each one. Twenty two different memories. Each a different story, a different reason, a different mood. Its never a nice blur though. With so many, you'd think that I could just mix the memories and it'd be over. But no. There was a deliberate purpose to each and every stroke of my nails against my skin as it rubbed it raw and open. As the tears of blood trailed down my arm or leg or whatever it was that time 'round, it was sure to make a lasting imprint upon my body and my mind. And it did. But now its time to say goodbye to these scars. I know they wont disappear, but with time I can only hope they fade into almost nothingness. Its time for me to say goodbye to these memories and focus on the fact that it has been 2 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day since I've hurt myself. Its time to focus on adding days to that number. Its time to give up on the people who helped put me in so much pain that I would do that. So to you my scars, goodbye.


To The Love That Broke My Heart: I gave you 8 months of my life. I loved you unconditionally. You really were everything I wanted in a guy. You were talented, and caring. Sweet and funny. Loving and adoring. Total music lover. You were friends with everyone. I waited...7 months-ish to go out with you. I filled the time with other guys, but there was a reason it didn't ever work out. I was always stuck on you. Looking back, I realize it was stupid, but I hadn't found anyone quite like you. As cliche as it is, it was like...love at first sight for me. Instant connection. I had so much hope that we'd make it through everything. And it looked like we would. And then as quick as the connection was for me, the disconnection for you was there in an instant. All I can remember was telling you that if you were trying to get me to break up with you, you could grow up and do it yourself. And so you did. And I was crushed. Publicly humiliated actually. You were just at home, all fine. I was in front of people, at an academic team meet at another school. It was awful. Pure misery. And two days after that I just scratched myself like nobody's business. The promise I had made to stop hurting myself, was made to you, and you meant nothing now, and so did that promise. And then I stopped. You're just a boy, Ill find someone else. So to you my almost lover, goodbye.


To The Guys Who Taught Me "Tough Love": You guys are the worst cousins I've ever met. I know that I don't know everything about how you grew up, but I did know discipline came from a wooden spoon and knives and guns were as common as food was in your house. And maybe that lead to the hell you put my sister and I through when we stayed the summers at your house. I can still remember the scorching hot days you made my sister and I walk while you biked all around town. Miles and miles a day. Nobody else cared, it was good exercise. Yeah, until you realize I had undiagnosed asthma and no inhaler. The heat...it killed me. But we pushed through it. Both of us. And then you decided we knew our way around, and you abandoned us in the woods and told us it was only a few miles back to the house, and good luck. You took the food and water we had from earlier, and left. I remember sobbing, holding my sister, and praying we wouldn't die. Hours of screaming to be found. Finally, we got out, and we made it back. If I hate anyone, its you. And I was the cousin you liked. The threats of knifes being thrown at me? Yeah, not funny. Those things were sharp. Oh, and hiding in the wardrobe thing and watching while I changed outta my bathing suit and into normal clothes? Nooot cool. Yeah, I found out about it. Sorry to burst your macho bubble, but not cool. And of course, we must not forget the fact that you got drunk while watching us, refused us food, and talked about how you were gonna take your girlfriends v-card even though she wanted to stay abstinent. But you know what, you tried to strangle my sister and that was it. I blew up at you and it felt good. And then we told. We haven't been back in 3 summers. Thank God. But I know that if I ever want to go back to the family reunion, I'll have to see you. So help me, someone will have to hold me back, 'cause this summer might be the first time I see you since we told. If you even talk to me, someone's getting hurt, and I will promise you, it won't be me. But you're just a memory now. You haunt my every move, and I can't look at sharp objects the same. But you know what, Im better than you are, and Im better than these memories, and Im moving on. I would say see you in Hell, but I won't be there. So to the guys who broke me, goodbye.

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That was it. My final goodbyes. Sigh...I only hope this helps. Im sick over all of this right now, so this will be as far as I go.


-Yours Truly,
Ry

My Release - 5/30/10

“Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these”

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This Storm

I should have seen this coming,
Like the trees see the storm.
This storm had been brewing,
Building itself up.

1 month in and all was calm,
The love has just set in,
And I bask in the warmth
Of a lovers smile.

The second was as good as the first,
No clouds in the sky,
Starry nights,
They set the mood for now.

We've made it to 3,
But this isn't like before.
The winds are picking up,
And so do our voices in the middle of a fight.

Now at 4 it starts a climb,
Wild,
Random twists,
The rain starts its patter at my feet.

One more month and Im at a loss.
The skies are green,
The rain is gone.
Ill take the calm without complaints.

We've made it to six.
The hurricane comes rolling in,
Relentlessly attacking me from all angles.
Im being enveloped in the cold.

Onto 7 and its no better than the one before.
Waves of emotion,
Beating down like the waves of the ocean.
We're getting swept away in different directions.

Month number 8 and I cant find you.
Where are you love?
You're never coming back to me.
So I lay here stranded, caught up in my tears.

I should have seen this coming,
I ignored it for too long
But now Im lost,
And so are you.

8 months gone,
I cant get them back.
Precious memories are worthless,
And so are any thoughts of you.

I love you.
I loved you.
I hate you.
And still do.



If By Chance

If by chance
You miss me,
Ill be here,
Waiting.

If by chance
You love me,
Ill be here,
Wanting.

If by chance
You cant live without me,
Ill be here,
Forgiving.

If by chance
You find another,
Ill be here,
Wishing.

If by chance
You want her more,
Ill be here,
Questioning.

If by chance
You compliment her
Ill be here,
Hurting.

But if by chance
You love her,
I wont be here.
Im through.



Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time,
I worshipped you,
I hung on every word you spoke.
Each syllable,
I listened for,
Emphasizing in my head,
As if you were a god
Speaking to the lower people
Of the cruel Earth,
And blessing us.
With every breath you took,
I took one too,
Synchronizing the falling of our chests.
I talked as if you put the stars in the sky,
The most beautiful things,
Aside from you.
I memorized your features,
Your eyes,
Your mouth
Your cheekbones.
I knew you better than anyone else,
Than I even knew myself.
I put everything I had in you.
Every spare second
Of every minute
Of every hour
Of every day.
And for what?
You never paid me back.
All I asked for was love.
The only price to pay.
You were adored,
Loved,
Special in my eyes.
What more did you want?
You wanted her,
Thats what.
And I couldn't be her.
No matter how hard I tried,
I never amounted to that.
The goddess by your side now,
As I pass you in the streets.
Heaven's perfect match.
As I see you,
Im crushed.
Broken.
Torn.
And its right here,
Right now,
That I give up.



Trapped For Eternity

Maybe,
Just maybe,
Ill find myself again.
Im unsure,
Of where Im going.
Who I am.
Who I want to be.
What I want in life.
This maze of memories,
A labyrinth of pain,
The haze in my mind.
They trap me here.
Keeping me stuck,
Never letting me leave
Or move on.
I can't get out.
I don't know where I started,
Where I am
Or where Im going.
If only I knew.
A hint,
A clue,
Anything that could help me,
Please find me now.
I need help.
I cant do this alone.
Im not strong enough.
This silence,
Confusion,
Pain,
Darkness.
Its haunting me.
With every step
I fall farther.
With every movement
I stumble.
Im going nowhere,
And Im going fast.
I twist and turn,
I beg and plead,
But nothing,
Nothing,
Will ever save me.
Im to be forever lost.
Trapped for eternity,
Never to be found.



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Four new poems. Everything negative Ive felt lately because I just cant write happy poetry. Lacking the experience behind that emotion =P Review? Please and thank you (:

(This is my attempt at looking productive lately! [Even though these took like...5 minutes each...])


-Yours Truly
Ryanne (:

No Regrets - 5/27/10

"Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets."

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Lost

You lay down
Saddened,
Another day of heartbreak
Another day of misery.
There you go,
Passing the time inside your thoughts.
You're lost there aren't you?
Will you ever come back?
I doubt it.
You haven't yet.
You step to the outer bounds of your mind,
And like a scared child,
You curl back into the warmth of safety,
The repetition,
The schedule,
The knowledge that you're well enough off now.
You take no chances,
And make no mistakes.
Yet,
This is a mistake.
And you swear on "No Regrets"
And yet you regret this.
You regret your choice
Not taking any chances.
Does life hold any value for you anymore?
No,
I doubt it does.
I'll save you the energy,
The trouble of forming the words
That I'll so obviously hear from you.
The same lies you've been feeding me
For 15 years.
Where's your originality?
Is it lost like you are?
I cant find it.
I cant find you either.
Im searching,
Trying so hard.
My efforts are wasted though.
Ill never find you.
Not sure I'd really want to,
Ive never known the real you,
The real person person behind the mask,
Not the impersonator you put out to fool me.
Ill never know the truth,
And sadly,
Neither will you.

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Ive always lived by "No Regrets". This poem is the inner me talking to the fake me that I put out there for so many people. I am the inner me sometimes. I just break down the walls and let myself go. But the walls rebuild themselves faster than I can rebuild my life, and Im stuck, never making any gains in life. I dunno where Im trying to go with myself. If you asked me where I see myself in five years, Id tell you something about being in college with a major in criminology or mass communications in the works. To be honest, I dont know. And I know Im young, but its not just college. Its everything. My whole life I have ahead of me...Its just a blur. A hazy fog that I cant break through. But maybe, if I hope and pray and wish enough, Ill find where Im going. Ill truly live by No Regrets. Ill completely accept who I am, I wont accept less that I deserve, and Ill take chances. But until then, Im stuck living "(Almost) No Regrets".

-Yours Truly,
Ryanne (:

Scars - 5/26/10

"And our scars remind us,
That the past is real.
I tear my heart open,
Just to feel."

- Scars by Papa Roach

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Im Free

You sit there,
Staring,
Prodding me with your eyes.
I am the specimen
To your experiment of life.
I cant turn and run anymore.
Im trapped,
Held in this position
With the icy glare you give me.
I cant stand it.
The daggers you shoot
Are meant for me and me only.
The sharp points hit me where it hurts,
Right in my heart,
My soul,
My being.
And I only wish you knew.
Though Im sure,
If searched deep enough,
You already do.
The blades are only imaginary,
For I wouldn't survive if they weren't.
But the pain,
The gut wrenching
Heart breaking pain,
Its real.
You've built me from the bottom up,
Only to be the one to knock me down.
You knew my weaknesses,
You put them there.
I was unaware at the time
Foolishly trusting in you.
The emotional pain is too much,
Weaving itself into my life.
It doesn't belong,
Doesn't have a place.
I have to find a way to let it all go.
So I take control,
In the only way I see fit.
You may have daggers,
But they cannot penetrate my body,
Only my composure.
I have weapons though,
And they can break the skin,
Which I make sure they do.
With each pull of the blade
Sliding gracefully across the frosty front
I put up years ago,
I feel the world let go,
Its death grip on my heart and lungs,
Its gone.
Im safe now.
I feel it.
The rush,
It comforts me,
Embraces me,
Like you never would.
Not like you ever could.
The chill of the blade,
It calms me.
It lifts the fog thats formed,
The haze that traps me here.
Im free,
I found the key to this cage,
The one you constructed around me,
So many years ago.
The shape was unusual,
Though familiar.
I found release in the oddest of places.
And it feels good.
You no longer have control.
I do.
And you will never,
Ever,
Get it back.

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If only I could have sent this out to every person whose ever made me feel this way. And 2 months back, this was all true...and some days, I wish it still was. I stopped, but that urge is still there. There are days where all I want to do is just crawl to my bed and drop the walls and give in to the blade. The temptation takes self control to push away. And with all the talk of hurting and the down turn of events in my life, I need this...but then I look at my scars and I have to ask myself if I also need those while Im at it. Its a package deal. Cant get one without the other. And it hurts to know. I gave up bruising myself, I gave up scratching myself, I gave up everything I used to cope. And I found drawing and writing, and yet, its never enough. There's still a tug in my brain telling me that if only I did it one more time...if only.

I just read the book Cut by Patricia McCormick. Oh lord, how I could relate. I cried. I got sick over it. I was shaking. I totally broke down. Hyperventilating, the whole deal. Yet each time I tried to stop reading, I couldn't. 15O pages of mental suffering. I just wanted to know if she got better. If there was hope. That maybe this could get better for me. And in the end, she said the wanting feeling was there. The wanting to get better. And I kinda felt it too. I have a therapist appointment on the 3rd of June. And I think it'll be the most open I've been in awhile. It'll be my last desperate plea for help. And if I don't see the help, then Im just going to be at a loss. I'll pray and hope that it'll get better though. Its all I have left.


-Yours Truly,
Ryanne (:

What Would You Do - 5/25/10

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

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I'd Walk Right Through The Battlefields Of War And I'd End It All Right There: In the midst of the showering bullets and the pools of blood and the bodies of the lost and the pieces of the broken hearted, I'd end it all. The wars would be over. We could curl up with our families in front of the fireplaces and breathe the sigh of relief we've needed since the dawn of time. Peace for our time and all of the ones after that. The broken ties we've lived with for years would be mended. I wouldn't even care to be recognized for it. I'd rather let the world think that it finally just understood that the time was then to stop fighting. And yet the efforts of our veterans and the ones who've lost their lives to the brutal hands of war would not be in vain. They'd be honored like no others before them, for each person who didn't care who they killed as long as they killed there was a soldier out there who had in mind a handful of people they were personally fighting for. And we'd gather in the streets for our one last "Hurrah!" of the ends of destruction and from there our world would develop into something unknown to man for centuries. The purity of lives that had been intended for us when we were ready to take it, would begin. How wonderful it would be.

I'd Find The Cure For Lupus And All The Other Diseases Of The World: As selfish as it is, I've always wanted to live the life of a kid who had both parents fully functional. My mom was functional enough to build me up at 4 years old to be tested to go into school early. She put everything she had into my childhood. Always helping out, always taking me to sports or something. She still had Lupus, but it didn't flare like it does now. It hadn't begun to show its ugly face to us. And then without knowing the complications that could follow, my mom got pregnant with my sister. And soon after my mom started deteriorating right in front of my eyes. And there was nothing I could do at 5 years old to save her. And I still cant at 15. And the doctors can't either. And if I could do anything, I'd save her. And Id save everyone else with diseases, so nobody else has to feel the pain that my family and I have suffered because of this. My one true wish every day is for my mom to get better. The one thing I want more than anything else. And I know it will never come true, but one can only hope.

I'd Save My Friends From Themselves: There are two people I am writing this for. They both read my blog, only one knows me in real life, but Im protective of both even though they're both older than I am. I've spent the past year of my life destroying my body with the markings of my nails. And I wish I could take everything back. I've always lived by the saying "No Regrets", but this is the one thing in my life that I actually regret. 'Cause I've grown up and looking back on it, it was stupid. A simple mistake and lack of self control. God, just think, Ill have to explain this to my children. "Mommy, why do you have those dark spots on your arm? Did you get bruises? Are you hurt?". Only emotionally Im afraid. The physical hurt left a long time ago. And no those aren't bruises, those are scars. If only I could turn back the clocks and get rid of these things. But if I did that I'd never have the experience to tell you this: Its not worth it. At all.

You are worth so much more to this world than you would ever imagine. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world. And I care about you both. More than you probably know. Every time I read the words that tell me that you've hurt yourself again just crush me. They tear me to pieces. And you know, it hurts twice as bad when you can understand the pain thats usually behind each stroke of your nail or the blade. And it may sound hypocritical of me because I've been in that position, but the thing is, I stopped. I think I deserve the right to hate everything you're doing because I hated it when I did it and I hated it enough to stop doing it. I pray for you. Every day. And I pray that one day you'll realize everything that you're putting people through with this. And I pray that I'll believe you when you tell me you'll stop, or you want to. That I'll finally find the truth in your words. And until that day comes, I just continue to pray with all I have. I love you guys and I don't want this for you and I never will.

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If I had the chance, I'd change the world. But its all the things that I wish I could change that make me who I am, that make you who you are, and that make the world what its come to today. And some things never change, and some things never should. The world in the hands of peace and love is a place of lies. Its unnatural. And wish it was different or not, life will just continue down its path, just like each person in it.

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Yours Truly,
Ryanne (: